Ok, so it probably isn't as big, as bad, or as scary as I may have tried to make it out. Sometimes one feels the need to beef up stories a bit - you could consider this my big fish tale.
I applied for a job.
To be specific to be the campus minister at the two colleges in my hometown.
Anyone else see the scary in that? What's so tough about a resume and letter of interest? (And by letter of interest they seemed to mean a letter stating your interest in the position, not what Google tells me it is - an unsolicited letter showing interest in the company to get an interview/job for a position not posted that I would have to guess might not exist.) Well, I think the last time I wrote a resume was high school. And obviously my Googling just added to my anxiety by giving me a different answer than what I thought they were looking for. Then there's the whole level of insecurity about having been out of the work place for a while and out of the field longer than that and about if I really have the gifts and talents to do this particular job. My anxiety level has been through the roof since I started working on this. But let me back up, it's a good story.
When we were on our vacation, big nerds that we are, we read the diocesan newspaper (it came our last day there.) And DH found the posting. I'm not sure what he said about it but looking back he mentioned it, I pretty much wasn't listening. After we got home he looking it up online and sure enough, there it was. And he thought I should apply.
Well, yikes! I never really saw myself working with college students. I'm so not cool enough for that. And I hate public speaking. It gives me gorillas in my stomach just thinking about it. I wondered about what was involved in the administration side of the job - it isn't all just fun hanging out in the Newman House, ya know. And what about my boys? This is a full time job in ministry. Ministry jobs tend to be more full than the average "full time."
But that's what started changing my thinking around - it's a MINISTRY. It's about working with people, mostly young people, and helping them learn about our faith and express their faith and find their place in the larger Church and world. When I got to thinking about it, it really isn't all that different from what I do with my boys. Just like toddlers and preschoolers, they're heading out on a grand adventure and there is so much to see and figure out - the world is big and you, yes YOU have a place in it and can do wonderful things! Ok, yes, it's a little hokey. Fine, fine, it's a lot hokey. And there are obviously huge difference making my analogy a little shaky. But at a basic level it is similar.
And that made it a lot less scary a prospect. Actually, after figuring all that out it started to get exciting! There are so many possibilities, so many different programs and options and ways of helping the campus community. And the local community! It all makes me a little giddy. (I have already told you, I'm a total nerd.)
So I've been praying and praying to figure out if this is the right thing for me. For my family. And the conclusion I've come to is - it could very well be. While it's full time the hours are not a typical 9-5 so I could still be mostly home with the boys. Plus there are grandparents and all kinds of friends in town so we wouldn't be lacking for good child care. DH could work on his Masters, maybe get his teaching certification or even drive to a bigger university to get his Masters in meteorology (he's a WeatherMan, I don't think I've mentioned that.) I would get to work on my Masters, since it is technically a requirement for the position and I haven't had a chance to start working toward it yet. Funny thing about little ones and living in another country, makes grad work a real challenge. ;-) It would mean not only moving back to the States but to where we would eventually like to end up to stay. It would be a very interesting challenge.
So there you have it. Phase one of my big, bad, scary project = DONE. Resume and letter were due Tuesday and I emailed them off the previous Friday. I even got acknowledgement of my application! The email said they mail-mailed the letter but given the distance she thought she should email as well :) Very kind of her since it takes around 8 days for mail to come or go between Canada and the US.
And now we wait. Who knows if I'll hear anything else. And actually, I'm surprisingly good with that. The Holy Spirit has a remarkable way of making sure I end up where I belong and it seems to be rubbing off on my little family. I can trust that if this is where we are "supposed" to be that it will work out and I will find the support to make it not only work but be awesome. And if this isn't it yet there is something else coming that our family needs more. In the meantime, any prayers would be greatly appreciated. I'll keep you posted :)