Some solutions

Since there are times I do a lot of complaining around here I thought I would share some of the solutions I've found. 

One of the problems I face is being hungry pretty much all the time.  Yet I find I don't have the time or energy while the WeatherMan is working (his 12 hour shifts really take it out of me too!) to do much about it.  We try to eat "real food" both for nutritional value and cost and that involves time and effort.  So my solution is to actually do what I always mean to and make a bunch of stuff on the last day before he goes on shift.  Here is a jar of gorp which was a HUGE hit with the boys, leftover rice and bean salad, and "blueberry juice."  All made with real foods (although there are some who would argue that Cheerios and chocolate chips are not real food but I'm not listening to that, I'm a realist when it comes to my real food.)  All containing some super good nutrition (nuts, dried fruit, beans & rice, cucumber, spinach, berries.)  And all yummy :)  Now to do it every week. 

After my devastating loss on Easter (which still hasn't been repaired, by the way) I had to find a better place to keep the rosaries.  And here it is.  They're up out of reach, not going to tangle together, and yet still easily accessible.  A little abnormal perhaps but it is working well. 

We also started saying a decade of the rosary every night as part of our bedtime routine with the boys.  Some nights it goes well.  Some nights they're really restless.  Some nights Littler nurses and Bigger looks at a book through it all.  But they're so little you can't really expect them to focus like that.  And it's developing the habit. 

Another real food solution - a frosty treat :)  You can't tell from the color in the picture, since treat eating mostly happens after the boys are in bed and the sun is going down, but it's a watermelon frosty.  Banana, frozen watermelon, a little water, and a splash of lemon juice.  Delicious!  And it makes me so happy.  We need to go more watermelon...   

I'm feeling very hopeless about moving.  Not that we dislike our temporary home here in Canada but we would really like to get back to the States.  We moved here for a job, not to move here, if that makes sense.  Recently the WeatherMan had 5 interviews in 5 weeks.  And no offers :(  We're looking at it as being just a matter of time - that's more interviews than he's had the whole 3.5 years we've been here put together.  That's encouraging but still so disappointing.  It sucks that there is nothing that we can do about it.  I've prayed novenas to St. Joseph, Our Lady of Hope, Sacred Heart of Jesus, and St Dymphna all through that stretch of interviews and waiting to hear back from them. And now I'm praying to St. Jude.  I hope we're not really a lost cause.

And in the meantime, the power of positive thinking:

"New York makes me happy"



The end of the project

I didn't get the job.  It's kinda bittersweet.  I am obviously sad.  Can't try to say "I don't care" with a shrug - if I didn't care I wouldn't have gone through all that applicaition and interview.   It would have been a really interesting adventure.  I think it would have been a challenge and fun.  And I am heartbroken that we're not moving home. 

But I can't say I'm sad that I'll be staying home with my boys for the foreseeable future.  That I'll be keeping my free time for reading, knitting, quilting.  Or that I wont have to play the politics or keep that many offices happy - remember there were a grand  total of seven on the interview committee which seems like a perfect recipe for serious drama. 

I believe the Spirit makes sure we're where we belong.  God's timing is not our timing.  There must be something for us here still.  Or something even better out there.  And since I can't do anything to change it I might as well make the best of it and keep on praying.  So for now I'll be praying to St. Anthony to help us find our way home.  And probably St Joseph for a job to get there.  And St Dymphna to keep from going crazy.  And probably St Jude while we're at it because it can't hurt and at times it does feel hopeless.  And after I got a travel reimbusment check today (a total suprise) perhaps shopping for some consolation books... yarn... fabric... :)   

Saint and Scripture Sunday

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. 
    -Philippians 4:13

I haven't had much chance to write lately thanks to vacation and now a project I have been contemplating.  And true to the way my world works this week I have found myself tripping over what I can only think are reassurances. 

Last week I was presented with a possibility.  No, I'm not gonna tell what it is but I will say that I am totally excited by the prospect.  I am also so anxious about it that my stomach is in knots.  I vacillate between thinking up ideas and thinking there is no possible way I could actually pull this off.  Thankfully I don't have to worry about pulling anything off yet and have come to the (logical) conclusion that for now all I can do is this mostly small project and pray.  Which brings me to those reassurances.

Every time I turn around it seems I am getting answers to those prayers.  Not about if this project is going anywhere or if it is wasting time, that would be too easy.  But simply that I should be doing it.  Joel Osteen's program last Sunday night was (surprise, surprise) about God wanting to bless us and all we need to do is ask.  (Yes, we watch Joel every Sunday night, there isn't much else on at that hour and its an amusing and uplifting program.  We actually look forward to it each week.)  In his homily this morning, Father commented on the sacrifice involved in being active in our lives as Christians rather than sitting on the sidelines.  I'm sure there was much more to it but with squirmy ones in the pew I'm feeling lucky I got anything out of the homily - usually I'm reading to one or the other of the boys ;-)  This weekend is also the feasts of St. Monica and St. Augustine  - the poster pair for persistent and answered prayer. 

This whole post might seems like a meandering bunch of nothing after those random thoughts.  But if you've made i this far and you're not one of the three people who know my top secret project congratulations for making it through this and there is a point.  The answers to my prayers are a combination of "let go and let God" and the old joke that you have to buy a ticket to win the lotto.  And that if this mystery project does come through that it isn't about me but about the Spirit moving and all that jazziness.  So I am attempting to worry about tomorrow tomorrow and just enjoy the challenge of this project.  And I'm trying to remember that while success would mean an even bigger challenge, like the ginormous gargantuan kind, that there is plenty of help available both in people and in intercession. 

I have the strength for everything through Him who empowers me.
   -Philippians 4:13

Saints and Scripture Sunday

In my random blog hopping I came across The Kennedy Adventures where Dianna posts on Sundays about Scripture and saints.  It's really nice food for thought.  And this week I came across a quote that I really liked and wanted to remember so it's a perfect match for me today :)

Be imitators of me as I am of Christ.
     1 Cor 1:11

It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.
     Gal 2:20

Scott Hahn uses these two and many other great quotes both from Scripture and the early saints in explaining the biblical history of asking for the saints' intercession in his book Signs of Life.  These two really stuck me because man are they something I need to work on and also because our "worship" of saints is a major sticking point for many.  It's understandable - altars? medals? prayers? feasts?  It does look wonky from the outside. 

But taken with these two Scriptures it makes a little more sense.  The saints are people who we can look to as examples; they are holy ones whose lives should lead us to Christ.  And in doing that make us holy by our imitating Christ.  That's where I fall down.  How often do I forget to be Christ for others?  Way more often than I care to admit.  At least I'm in good company.

Both Paul and Augustine (whose quotes I'm getting to, hang with me) are self-described big time sinners.  But they are also now two of the most admired early Christians, both for their conversions and changed lives and for their contributions to theology.  As bishop, Augustine often had to deal with heresies that cropped up and defended the devotion to the saints. 

 "It is true that Christians pay religious honor to the memory of the martyrs, both to excite us to imitate
   them and to gain a share in their merits and the assistance of their prayers.  Yet we do not build altars
   to any martyr, but to the God of martyrs, although it is to the memory of the martyrs.  No one presiding
   at the altar in the saints' burial place ever say, "We bring an offering to you, O Peter!" or "O Paul!" or
   "O Cyprian!"  the offering is made to God, who gave the crown of martyrdom, while it is in memory of
   those thus crowned." 

Personally, I read that with a "well, duh" tone to it.  But I grew up with the saints.  I'm real tight with a few and am developing relationships with others.  I will always remember my mom explaining prayers to saints as being the exact same as calling a friend to ask them to pray for us, just that these friends are a different kind of call away.  I suppose as Catholics we need to find ways in our admiration of the saints to be more clear in that distinction - admiration, not worship.  Because, after all, it's just us here who have trouble with the distinction.  The saints aren't foolish enough to take what isn't theirs: "For holy beings themselves, whether saints or angels, refuse to accept what they know to be due to God alone."  -Augustine of Hippo

The Kitchen Prayer

Lord of all pots and pans and things

Since I've not time to be a saint by doing lovely things

Or sitting late with thee

Or dreaming in the dawn light

Or storming heaven's gates

Make me a saint by getting meals

And filling all the plates.

Although I must have Martha's hands

I have a Mary mind

And when I black the boots and shoes

Thy sandals, Lord, I find.

I think of how they trod the earth

What time I mop the floor

Accept this meditation Lord

I haven't time for more.

Warm all the kitchen with Thy love

And light it with Thy peace

Forgive me all my worrying

And make my grumbling cease.

Thou who didst love to give men food

In room or by the sea

Accept this service that I do

I do it unto Thee. 

~~~~~
I pray this every time I wash the dishes.  It is attributed to Brother Lawrence, a favorite of finding holiness in the everyday.  Hence why it is taped up over the kitchen sink.  But that is also exactly what is so difficult about it. 

I am deep in the trenches of a very Martha season of life.  Pots and pans and things are just the tip of the iceberg.  Constant picking up, sweeping up, cooking up, washing up, all to start over again.  It is perpetual, thankless, and tiring and that makes it frustrating.  I get to the bit about loving to give men food and my bitter inner Martha comes out - yeah, He gave the food, but who did the cooking and the washing up, hmm?  Yeah, Mary choose the better part and IT'S JUST NOT FAIR! 

Lovely, huh?

But the fact remains that it's all gotta be done.  It makes me chuckle to think of the Bill Cosby routine on Noah building the ark: "Have you seen that mess down there?  Who's gonna clean that up?"  Because someone always has to do the dirty work.  And for now that someone is mostly me.  I figure it's at least another couple years before I can really put the boys to work expect consistent help from the boys.  Not that I'm not teaching what I can - like that Bigger is getting really good at clearing his place after meals... most of the time.  But they wont really be up to truly useful helping till about school-age I'm guessing.

This post has actually taken me several days to write.  Between having the time and the computer acting up it hasn't been easy to work on it.  But that is good - it has given me plenty of time to think and of course to pray  :)  And I've gotten some answers to my prayers.  (Sadly, not a dishwasher or a cleaning service.) 

First, I was reading the readings for this Sunday and the Gospel really jumped out at me.  "Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."  (Mt 11:28-30)  Ok, ok, I'm listening, Lord.  It's the old "offer it up," I can try.  I've never been good at that but I'll try.

Then today another mom at playgroup was telling us about a friend of a friend.  They had taken their little girl in to the doctor and instead of getting the diagnosis of an ear infection or two that they had been expecting they were told that their beautiful 3 year old has 3 months to live.  She has an untreatable brain tumor.  Talk about not fair. 

Well, if my cross to carry is washing the dishes then I'll do my best to be cheerful and prayerful while I do it.  I feel a little like Scrooge saying it like that.  (And am seriously hoping for no visit from the Ghost of Christmas Future.)  But there's nothing like a good dose of perspective which is apparently what I needed for my attitude adjustment.  So I'll be changing the way I say the Kitchen Prayer now, keeping in mind not what I would rather be doing but that this is my season and that it is just a season. 

And if you could say a prayer for that little one and her family, I'm sure they need it right now.