"Process" I am not

Some crafters are process oriented - in love with the act of creating.
Some are product focused - more into their finished object that what goes into making it.

I am most certainly the latter.  Come to think of it that is probably why I have such a tough time with the repetitiveness of scarf knitting....  I love finishing things, I love that I made it, I love being able to give or use it.  Unfortunately this has a tendency to lead to rushing and shoddy work. 

And that is certainly the mess I find myself in this morning.   

As I have mentioned I am working on a quilt for a friend who is getting married in the fall, the first of two in fact.  It will be just a lap quilt but I can imagine the newlyweds snuggled up on the couch with it, watching tv, hanging out.  But not eating anything messy, that I just cannot put near my as-yet-unfinished-let-alone-given quilt even in my imagination.  Anyway, my goal was to finish the quilting this week so I can sew the binding during our trip this weekend and maybe even give it to the bride-to-be while we are away.  However, I have hit a number of snags in this plan and here is the biggest: 



There you have it.  I have actually done this on all three quilts I have quilted but this one has been by far the worst for it.  This was just one of several wrinkles (gathers?) I managed to sew into my backing.  I even managed to put some, how shall we call it... texture into the top too.  

DH had taken the boys out to the library this morning to give me some sewing time.  So after eating breakfast (I was up with the boys before 6, washed last night's dishes, put them away, put away the laundry, and dressed the boys but still hadn't found time for breakfast - there is something wrong with this picture and apparently my priorities) and getting everything set up, I set to work.  First I had to rip out the first bit I had quilted when I realized I had forgotten to change the stitch length and therefore ended up with really close, really tight, really ugly stitches.  That were really hard to pick out. 

Second try went well.  Except for the first set of wrinkles on the backing.  But I muddled on and took extra care to smooth everything out back and front for the next go.  And the second round of quilting went well, no lumpies or bumpies and even mostly straight.  But this was where I managed some puffiness on the top.  Third row was again gathered.  

So as I stood there examining what I had done and trying to figure out how to stop making this mistake and if I can just keep going it hit me.  I am embarrassed by this quilt.  The top has many imperfections like corners that don't match up and pieces that were apparently not cut or sewen uniformly and now the backing has to serious life of its own.  My anxiety over being able to finish it "in time" and about then having to show it to people is going through the roof.  So there's my answer.  Out again comes my trusty seam ripper and out go the poorly sewn stitches.   

And it's just a little killing me.  I want so to be done!  But my haste is doing nothing but bring me heartache instead of the joy of a beautiful gift to give.  So I need a break.  Not a long one, I don't think.  I'll work on the scarf for my mom, which is coming along pretty nicely, by the way.  And I'll cast on another Baby Surprise Jacket for knitting on the trip.  And a friend said she's teach my to knit hats while we're visiting.  And I'll finish up my library books before we leave and take just one book with me.  So I think I'll keep plenty busy.  But I need to stop thinking ahead to whatever comes next and just enjoy what I am creating now. 

 I think this will be really, really beneficial in my quest for peace.  Learning to enjoy the here and now is probably something I struggle the most with - I think most of my other challenges (in attitude or however you think of it) come either from not enjoying where I'm at or lead to not enjoying where I'm at.  A "which came first" kind of cycle.  So I am going to enjoy this scarf project, gosh darn it, not just the thought of giving the scarf.  Even knowing there is another one in green waiting in the wings.  I'm going to be in the process not rushing on to what I can finish next. 

So here we be.  It's gently folded and stashed away from small sticky hands.  The threads are thrown out and the pins and seam ripper are safely stored.  For another time when I can get back to imagining the happy couple snuggled under it and I can take my time putting the care and love into it that they deserve. 

It's One of Those Days

I'm tired, my neck is sore, I'm in a bad mood, and every little things it making me nuts.  I am so tired of "maa-oom" and "draw it, mom, draw it."  I'm sick of feet on the table and drawing on the table and boys on the table.  Ugg, the yelling, the shrieking, the whining.  And the pushing, the shoving, the smacking.  I've been poked, bit, stepped on, shoved, and scratched.  I've had hands up my shirt and down my pants.  Thankfully I'm not wearing a skirt today or they would be up that too.  I have had to wrestle Boy back into his undies and forcibly wash his hands after going potty more that once.  Try every time he has gone potty.  The boys have even spent part of the day rotating in and out of the time out chair.  Nice time to share well, huh.  And if I hear "up, mommy, uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-up mommy" one more time... 

Our computer is is having issues and giving attitude.  Actually, it's probably coughing its last.  It seems to want to make me make good on my threat to take it out back and shoot it.  I guess it overheard that the car has been replaced and so it feels like now would be a good time to replace it.  It is slower 'n slow.  It wont upload my pictures of fabric to email to a friend to start a project for her.  I can't even see who is following this blog because for some reason it just wont show up. 

And to top it off my dinner plans feel through because I wasn't paying attention.  And the TV listing says that So You Think You Can Dance wont be on the usual station tonight.  Why they would bother to show the results show tomorrow but not the dancing tonight is beyond me.  And it's making me batty!  I've been looking forward to that all day :( 

Most of the day, all I longed for was some quiet to do some reading, some knitting, maybe some sewing.  Just to get a chance to regroup a little.  It's been a day... no, a week of days where I have been feeling the constant, thankless demands of motherhood.  I'm not sure what to do about it except fix my attitude.  And maybe hire a cleaning lady. 

Then, right around 3 this afternoon both boys dozed off.  Bigger Boy in the high chair where he had insisted on having his snack and Littler Boy in my lap while nursing.  While their timing and placement could have been better I will take what I can get!  I finished piecing what I can for pillow covers I'm working on, I did some knitting, checked out some blogs, and got some writing done too.  And I am feeling much, much more peaceful.  Now I just have to find a way to carry that with me till bedtime.  And figure out a backup plan for dinner... 

Most Stressful Day

Yup, the most stressful day of our year was today.  Going to the border to renew our permits.   

Paperwork filled out, questions answered, proof shown, fees paid.  Trying to keep very active little boys who have been cooped up in the car for over an hour still for over an hour in a large room full of armed border agents.  Trying to keep said boys up off the floor and from climbing the ceiling high windows.  And from shrieking.  And from running.  And from swinging on those flimsy movable dividers they put up to keep the line in line.  Or should I say queue? 

It makes for quite a day. 

And there's always the possibility that the agent will ask why we didn't do X-Y-Z or why did you do Q-R-S and say "bye-bye." 

But we get to stay for another year.